Alright, my badass babes and apocalypse survivors, let’s talk about Halloween costumes. More specifically, this one right here.
Why? Because this sexy cheerleader outfit isn’t just for looking cute—it’s battle-tested.
I should know. I wore one in the middle of a zombie outbreak, I don’t technically advise it, but I sure looked good.
(And trust me, nothing says chaotic Halloween energy like running for your life in a pleated skirt while wielding a machete.)
A Little Flirting, A Little Zombie Slaying
I originally put on the cheerleader outfit as a joke—to get Jonah and Judas flustered. (And let’s be honest, it totally worked.)
✔ Jonah muttered something about being too old for this.
✔ Judas nearly walked into a wall.
✔ Xanadu barked in approval.
Everything was going great… until we realized the zombies were FAST.
And not just normal fast. Coked-out, hyper, Olympic-athlete levels of fast.
Cocaine Zombies Are a Nightmare
Now, I’ve faced some scary stuff. Flesh-eating monsters? No problem. Mutant sewer rats? Been there.
But zombies high on cocaine? That’s a new level of nope.
✔ They sprinted.
✔ They climbed.
✔ One did a backflip over a car. (I am NOT kidding.)
I barely had time to process that these things were more juiced up than an 80s bodybuilder before we had to run for our lives.
Which is how we ended up in…
The Teletubby Incident
I wish I was joking. I really do.
Long story short:
✔ We needed disguises.
✔ The only available outfits? Teletubby costumes from a nearby house.
✔ Jonah was Tinky Winky.
✔ I was Po.
✔ Judas was running in circles screaming “THEY KNOW, THEY KNOW!”
Did it work?
Yes.
Did I feel cute?
Absolutely NOT.
Would I do it again?
Absolutely NOT.
Oh, and Let’s Not Forget the Merkin
At some point in this whole disaster, Judas—who, mind you, was wearing a full-body Teletubby suit at the time—picked up a merkin and started waving it around like it was a weapon.
For those of you who don’t know what a merkin is…
Let’s just say it’s NOT a wig for your head.
I don’t know what he thought it would do against zombies.
I don’t want to know.
I just know I will NEVER unsee that moment.
Why You Need This Cheerleader Costume (Without the Zombies & Teletubbies)
✔ It’s flirty. (And I promise it’s more effective at seducing apocalypse bad boys than a merkin.)
✔ It’s a great Halloween costume. (Just… avoid the cocaine zombies.)
✔ It’s comfortable enough to run in. (Which I now know from personal experience.)
✔ It’s a solid addition to your bedroom playtime. (Because why NOT be prepared for a little sexy dress-up?)
BUY THIS CHEERLEADER COSTUME (Because You Never Know When You’ll Need to Distract Someone)
Yes, this page contains affiliate links, which means if you buy this adorable, battle-ready cheerleader outfit, you’re also helping fund my ongoing therapy for the Teletubby incident.
👉 Click here to grab your cheerleader costume NOW!
Oh, and if you want more of my ridiculous survival-meets-fashion advice, subscribe to the blog.
Because if I can survive cocaine zombies in a cheer skirt, you can at least take my advice seriously.
XOXO, JJ
(Survivor, Zombie-Slayer, and Never Wearing a Teletubby Costume Again)
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