Alright, listen up. If you’ve spent any amount of time in the apocalypse (or, hell, just living in modern society), you know that things break. Guns jam. Car doors get stuck. Zombies get wedged in places you really don’t want to talk about. That’s where a good multi-tool comes in.
Now, I’ve used a lot of gear in my time as a professional zombie exterminator, but this Gerber Suspension-NXT Multi-Tool? This one’s a keeper. It’s saved my butt on more than a few jobs, and I’m still here to tell the tales. So let’s get into why you need one of these in your survival kit.
Why This Multi-Tool Is a Must-Have for Any Situation
✔ It’s Got Every Tool You Didn’t Know You Needed.
Look, I don’t carry around a full toolbox like some apocalypse handyman. That’s what this thing is for. It’s got pliers, wire cutters, screwdrivers, a serrated knife, scissors, a can opener, and more. If you ever find yourself trying to hotwire a car while a zombie chews on the rear bumper, trust me—you’ll be glad you have this.
✔ It’s Compact, but It Packs a Punch.
Unlike Judas, this thing is actually useful in a fight. It’s lightweight but durable, so I can keep it clipped to my belt without feeling like I’m lugging around a brick.
✔ It’s Perfect for “Unexpected Situations.”
And by that, I mean the absolute chaos that happens on every single job we take.
Ways I’ve Used This Multi-Tool on Zombie Extermination Jobs
- That Time Judas Got His Pants Stuck in a Chain-Link Fence.
We were in the middle of a contract—standard infestation, nothing fancy—when Judas, in all his infinite wisdom, decided to try climbing over a fence instead of just using the damn gate. Cue his pants getting caught and a horde of zombies closing in on his flailing legs.
I whipped out the wire cutters on this bad boy, snipped him loose, and yanked him down before he became an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Did he thank me?
No.
Did he immediately fall into a dumpster?
Yes.
Wish we could’ve pulled the security footage for that one!
- Fixing a Malfunctioning Shotgun Mid-Battle.
Ever tried ejecting a jammed shell while zombies are closing in? Not fun. A quick flick of the pliers and screwdriver, and boom—back in business. - Extracting a Zombie Tooth from Xanadu’s Collar.
Don’t ask. Just know that it involved a very annoyed dog, one very stubborn zombie incisor, and me using this multi-tool like a battlefield dentist.
The Bottom Line: Just Get the Damn Thing.
Look, I don’t make endorsements lightly. But if you’re even remotely serious about staying alive and being ready for whatever disaster comes your way, you need this multi-tool.
And yeah, this post contains affiliate links. That means when you buy through me, you’re not just getting yourself a top-tier survival tool—you’re also helping keep me stocked with ammo and anti-zombie spray.
👉 CLICK HERE TO GET YOURS NOW!
Because it’s either this, or you borrow Judas’ rusty pocket knife. And trust me—you don’t want to do that.
Jonah Zee, Signing Off.
(Professional Zombie Exterminator, Problem-Solver, and the Only Reason Judas Is Still Alive)
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